


Buried Alive

by TooGoodForMySorryLittleLife



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: 1925, M/M, but uh if it brings anyone joy i say thats a win, lets learn about sucky journalism, this fic is 110 percent self indulgent, y'all heard of a true fear of character death?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 16:53:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14217555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooGoodForMySorryLittleLife/pseuds/TooGoodForMySorryLittleLife
Summary: Dirk Gently is a poor immigrant looking to strike in the caves and caverns of Kentucky in 1925... that is until his quest for fortune and fame come crashing down on him... a little bit too literally.





	Buried Alive

*click* *click* *click*  
Todd tapped each key of the typewriter painfully slow, waiting each of the awful 20 minutes before he could go home to tick by. He wasn’t writing about anything interesting. Same old stuff week in week out. You couldn’t expect that much from Kentucky. Nothing ever happened here. Herman Cooper died. *click* *click* Matthew Hamilton married Katherine Potter. *click**click* Nothing happening in glorious 1925.  
“Brotzman! Get your ass in here!” an angry voice raged from the office.  
Todd sighed and pushed himself out of his chair. He felt the eyes of his coworkers bore into his neck as he approached the office. As he entered the office he bumped into Farah, an acquaintance, who was on her way out. She clutched a stack of papers to her chest and held her eyes to the ground, a pained expression on her face. Mr. Palacio sat at his desk tapping his fingers on the wooden desk top.  
“Yessir?” Todd asked awkwardly.  
Mr. Palacio glared up at Todd.  
“You haven’t turned in a single article this this week! If you don’t pick up the pace, Brotzman, I gotta let you go.”  
Todd nodded in understanding and headed back to his desk. He finished his mundane task before heading home when the clocktower rung 5 o’clock.  
_____________

“Help! Shit! Someone please help me!” Dirk screamed into silence  
He kicked furiously at the rock trapping his foot until he had kicked even more rocks down, pinning both of his legs to the spot. Dirk was without a lantern and hope, trapped where no help could ever reach him. This entire trip was doomed from the beginning. He should have never gone into the cave.  
When he first walked in his shoes sloshed through the mud and each step was more treacherous than the last. Then he had slide his way through a path that forced him to lay flat on his belly. This was not the best place for tourism, Dirk assumed he could probably dynamite that section so it could be easily traveled. When he reached a massive room at the end of the claustrophobic tunnel, he celebrated joyously. This would definitely sell tickets. The ceiling towered above him and the rounded sandstone walls looked like they had carved by god himself. His excitement didn’t last long because his lantern began to flicker and fizzle. That was when the first of the sequence of events that would end his life began. The lantern was running out of oil. Clamoring on his belly to the surface was hard work on the slick, inclining floor. He pushed upon what he thought was a foot hold. Rocks tumbled onto his right ankle. The rocks were so heavy that they pinned his foot to the floor. And now here he was. Trapped in a cave, with no family or friends to worry about where he might have gone.  
It was so cold down in the cave. Dirk regretted leaving his coat outside the cave. He felt goosebumps prick his skin. It was so quiet he could hear the blood rushing behind his ears and the whistle of his nose as he breathed. There were only two things that could keep him from insanity: pleading for help and struggling against his rocky captor.  
____________  
“Todd! Todd!”  
Todd awoke to his sister shaking him from his sleep.  
“Todd get up or you’re going to be late!”  
Todd shot and looked around the room.  
“What time is it?” Todd asked groggily, looking around the room for a clock or a watch.  
“Half past 7” Amanda replied, exiting the room to sit by the woodburning stove.  
With a string of curses, Todd scrambled for his clothing. He slid on each item of clothing with haste and recklessness. He slid on his worn coat and hustled out the door, emotionally preparing himself for his sprint to work.  
When he slid into his desk chair he let out a sigh of relief he made it on time, but just barely. He prepared his typewriter. Open a new ream of paper, make sure there’s ink, slide in the paper, twist the knob so he starts at the top of the page. Todd cracked and shook out his hands, anything to postpone his fingers from connecting with the keyboard. When he finally ready he heard his name called from his boss’s office. Again.  
“Todd Brotzman!”  
Todd got up from his chair and power walked to the office, plastering on his best smile.  
“Yessir?”  
“Wipe that grin off your face. I’ve decided since you’re not doing anything here, you can go do nothing somewhere else.”  
Todd’s smile fell.  
“Wait, sir, are you firing me?”  
“No, I’m assigning you to a story. Some hick down south got himself stuck in a goddamn cave. I wanna get to the story first, but everyone else in the office is busy so I gotta send you.”  
Todd couldn’t just leave. Who would take care of Amanda? Her disease required someone to look after her.  
“I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t”  
“Why not? You don’t have a wife or kids, you don’t have any friends so it’s not like you’re going to a funeral or a wedding or something just go.”  
“Sir, I need someone to take care of my sister. I can’t just leave her with her disease.”  
Palacio sat in thought for a moment before snapping his fingers in epiphany.  
“Farah! Get in here now!” he yelled harshly, a little harsher than he does with todd or any of the other employees.  
Farah appeared out of nowhere behind Todd.  
“Yessir?” she chirped with an even faker smile than Todd’s.  
“Todd here needs someone to check in on his sick sister while he’s out of town on an assignment. Can you do that?”  
She looked uncomfortable and upset being asked this question.  
“Yessir,” she responded submissively.  
“Good. Todd, you leave tomorrow.”  
“Wait, what about Miss Black she is much better at writing than I am and an amazing journalist” Anything to get out of his situation.  
“I gave the story to you, Brotzman. Now get the hell out of my office before I finally do fire you.”  
Todd gave up protesting his boss and he sat back down at his desk to repeat another repetitive day at the office.  
__________  
The cab dropped Todd off at a crusty hotel in the middle of a tiny little town where the only residents seemed to be just cows. Closing the door of the office behind him, Todd was grateful for the cozy atmosphere of the room. The air was so warm it was almost oppressive and a fireplace crackled in the corner. A record player could be heard from the back room. The front desk was empty. There was a sign in neat and curly script that said “ring for service.” Todd examined the desk for a bell or something to ring. There was nothing there.  
“Hello? Uh, I’d like a room,” Todd called into the back room.  
A gravelly voice yelled out, “Ring the bell.”  
“Uh, there is no bell.”  
The voice let out a string of giggles and snorts, “Ring som’thin’ then!”  
“Um… Ring ring?” Todd called out.  
“Bart, put the bell back. We need that.”  
“No!” a voice in the back responded.  
An annoyed, but slightly amused looking man sat down at the front desk. Todd finished checking in and approached his room with his luggage in tow. Unlocking the door, Todd squeezed himself into the cramped room. He threw his luggage onto the the chair in the corner of the room and fell face first into the bed, letting the cheap mattress engulf him. Tomorrow he was supposed to interview people about the man in the cave. After a while, Todd got bored and phoned Amanda.  
“For the last time, Farah, I. Am. Fine!” Amanda’s exasperated voice spoke on the other end.  
“What? No, Amanda. This is Todd.”  
“Oh…”  
“So how is everything? I just got here so I thought I should check in. I don’t know.”  
“Everything is fine except for that girl you asked to look after me? Seriously Todd? I’m not 12 years old anymore.”  
“What if you had an attack while I gone? I don’t want to risk something bad happening to you.”  
“Ugh. Fine. I gotta go. There’s someone at the door. I swear to god if it’s Farah I will scream.”  
“Okay bye.”  
Todd hung up the phone and laid back down on the bed before succumbing to sleep.  
__________  
Dirk had given up kicking himself out of his predicament. He couldn’t remember how long it’s been since he saw sunlight. All he knew was that he was hungry and he really needed to take piss. He came to the conclusion that he snow up top must be melting as more and more water trickled down and soaked his and dripped of the tip of his nose. The water was cold and never ending, chipping away at his fragile sanity.  
“Well…” he said into the darkness, "I had a hunch about how it would end and it looks like I was right.”  
Dirk let out a weak and sarcastic “hooray” before drifting off into a restless sleep.”  
__________  
Todd woke up to the sun shining into his window. It was sickeningly bright for a February morning. Pulling himself together, Todd slung his worn leather bag over his shoulder and made the trek to the cave.  
When he arrived at the cave Todd could’ve swore the entire town was at the entrance. He saw a group of 8 men exit the cave shaking their heads at the crowd, ashamed of their failure. Todd ran up to the apparent leader of the party.  
“Sir, may I ask you a few questions?”  
“No,” he replied gruffly, “already got half of the world here watchin’ us. Don’t need all ya damned reporters ‘ere too.”  
“I just need a few questions, sir. Please,” Todd pleaded.  
“I said no. You better high tail it outta here before I make ya.”  
Todd didn’t notice before, but the man looked exhausted.  
“Sorry,” Todd mumbled and let the man pass.  
Todd was about to do something stupid. He plucked his cap off of his head and tossed off his coat and set them down next to the other coat on the rock next to cave entrance. He swiped the lantern and struck a match. Using the dim, flickering glow, Todd entered the death trap.  
_________  
Dirk whistled hoarsely a random tune to keep his mind of the rocks crushing his lower half and stench of his own waste. Unbeknownst to Dirk, three days had passed since his live burial. He almost dozed off again when a small rock no larger than a quarter onto his head and interrupted the non-stop water flow. Then another own fell.  
Dirk knew what this could mean. The cave around him was giving way, sealing his fate and crushing any hope of being rescued. He did what any man about die does; he prayed.  
“Hello, God. I know you probably don’t like me after disregarding you every Sunday for the past 34 years, but, uh, please don’t let me die. I need to eat pizza one more time at least.”  
Dirk thought he was hallucinating when he thought he heard a string of curse words from above.  
“Wow, God. Who would’ve guessed you had such a foul mouth? Too bad I’ll never be able to tell anyone.”  
And as if to answer his question, Dirk heard a clatter of a lanter scraping against the stone floor and with a loud “SHIT!”, Dirk was face to face with- "God?!"  
_________  
Todd fought the urge to vomit right then and there. The stench of the man was almost as horrifying as his appearance. His face was gaunt and pale. His hair was matted to his scalp. His dull blue eyes stared at him.  
“Oh my God,” Todd breathed.  
The man was covered waist deep in mud and gravel, his legs hopelessly stuck in place.  
“Shouldn’t I be the one saying that?” the trapped man responded.  
The British accent was unexpected for the so-called “hick” Mr. Palacio had described to him.  
“I mean i just get done praying for someone to help and here you are… wait. Please tell me you have food. I am literally starving to death.”  
Todd mentally kicked himself. He never really expected to find the man so it never crossed his mind, but now that he’s here…  
Todd shook his head.  
“Clean water?”  
Again a no.  
“Coffee? Tea? A shovel? Anything?”  
“Look here, pal. I wasn’t expecting to find you, okay? I just need my scoop so I don’t lose my job,” Todd replied.  
“You are the worst rescue party I have ever seen. Is there anyone else with you?” the Brit replied.  
“No.”  
“Well that’s stupid. You shouldn’t ever go into a cave alone.”  
“Like you did?”  
“Yes! Exactly- wait a hot minute. I am exempt from that rule. I have experience.”  
“But you got stuck.”  
“Only emotionally,” the Brit argued.  
“Sure whatever. I’m just gonna leave now.” Todd began to shimmy back up.  
“Wait! Please don’t leave me here. I need out! Please come back!” the man shouted at Todd desperately.  
Todd used every ounce of will power to continue up the narrow and steep passage and when he could no longer make out the futile screams, he allowed himself weep for the man who was buried alive.


End file.
